Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
