I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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