If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
