Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
MIDGETS
????
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
