i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
