stop calling my apartment porn island.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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