Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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