U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
