:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
