He had one of those small greek statue penises
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
