Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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