the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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