he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
