I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
