I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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