just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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