My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
