I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My hand turned me down
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I touched a dick in church today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
