You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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