It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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