party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
