My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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