she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
