....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.