4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.