So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.