Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot