Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.

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(260): View more from Indiana

spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner

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(949): View more from California

Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.

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(646): View more from New York

Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls

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(419): View more from Ohio

You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.

(419): View more from Ohio

Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN

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