Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2424) Bad night (747)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.

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  (616): margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label. http://tfl.nu/4zf6
  Replies (10) Good night (959) Bad night (4212)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.

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  (206): He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears. http://tfl.nu/u9sm
  Replies (20) Good night (2056) Bad night (3497)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

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  (303): He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed http://tfl.nu/muwj
  Replies (21) Good night (5098) Bad night (932)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

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  (414): My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with. http://tfl.nu/07fq
  Replies (158) Good night (2584) Bad night (12551)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

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  (303): you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you http://tfl.nu/wspo
  Replies (15) Good night (5429) Bad night (1111)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.

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  (770): I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray. http://tfl.nu/vqg8
  Replies (10) Good night (1019) Bad night (2729)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.

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  (205): Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it. http://tfl.nu/qoct
  Replies (15) Good night (2342) Bad night (674)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back

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  (301): people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back http://tfl.nu/aa8w
  Replies (3) Good night (653) Bad night (1193)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great

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  (719): Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great http://tfl.nu/tj20
  Replies (4) Good night (1351) Bad night (548)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.

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  (217): I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well. http://tfl.nu/junb
  Replies (5) Good night (1058) Bad night (836)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.

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  (817): He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more. http://tfl.nu/2a37
  Replies (8) Good night (431) Bad night (1219)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.

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  (727): Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking. http://tfl.nu/0sjy
  Replies (2) Good night (862) Bad night (395)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.

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  (775): Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car. http://tfl.nu/cx3f
  Replies (9) Good night (653) Bad night (352)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.

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  (503): He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment. http://tfl.nu/auln
  Replies (2) Good night (394) Bad night (108)

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