i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
3pm strippers are depressing
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm getting married
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.