he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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