I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
