I skipped work to stalk him.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
