But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
3 2 1 whiskey
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
