You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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