How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
