mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
