FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
