I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
