did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm both gender and math confused
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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