its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
