The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
