I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
