I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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