dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
