Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
