If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
