i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
