dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
