...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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