Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this boner is exhausting
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
