we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
time to smoke my breakfast
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
