the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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