be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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