I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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