Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
