Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
