I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
