It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
