Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
