the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
