I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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