When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
