You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
