I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
