Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
