She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
