some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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