I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
