So drunk its hurt
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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